The good girl rule book is hard coded into so many of us, we are totally unaware. Well, we notice it as constant questioning ourselves, doubting ourselves, and performing what we think is an acceptable version of ourselves.
We apologise for asking a question, making a suggestion, for speaking.
We learn to prioritise others comfort and needs before our own, people pleasing, and always being helpful and supportive.
We suppress our emotions, passions, frustrations, and successes, because we don’t want to be labelled unprofessional, difficult or a show off.
We try to be perfect, everything to everyone, the perfect friend, wife, colleague, dress size, because criticism is too painful and we have had it our whole lives.
And we never, ever, ask for the promotion, the opportunity, or the pay rise, because that is just plain needy or rude.
But that is not the kind of leader I would follow, would you?
We want humble and self aware leaders, but not ones that apologise for their existence. We want leaders who know their own mind, have conviction in their decisions, and speak up for what they believe in.
We want you to consider others needs, but also have boundaries and clarity about who you are, what you stand for, and how you live and lead. That creates trust.
We want our leaders to be expressive, to show they care, that they are passionate about a cause, determined to right a wrong, frustrated about an issue, and have skin in the game. We don’t want dysregulated emotions. We want real expression, real people. Let us be honest, would you follow someone who isn’t passionate about the goal, or speaks all of the smart stuff but has not heart? No, I don’t think so.
And we want real, imperfect, humans leading us. We want the ones who know what they are good at, and show up in their unapologetic brilliance, and bring others in for the parts they aren’t brilliant at. We want team builders, relationship experts, team players, and leaders.
And that is why women are brilliant leaders when they lead unapologetically as their whole selves. Because women have always lived in cycles, paradox, and duality. We are already multi-tasking moment to moment, and can be clear whilst in complexity. We can be the calm in the storm. We can be passionate and strategic. We can be decisive and intuitive. And we can be clumsy, and well organised. We are women. It is time to let all parts of ourselves come to life.
Rip up the good girl rule book and become an unapologetic woman