The imposter monster – a great name for an unwelcome visitor that seems to greet women in leadership at the most inconvenient of times. We refer to that imposter feeling, not as a syndrome, but a result of showing up in systems, spaces, and cultures that weren’t made for us. The customs and “rules” were laid down long before women entered the room. We are welcome, but not as we are; we must adapt to fit in, or feel like we don’t belong.
You Earned Your Seat at the Table.
Let us share a story that we believe you’ll find familiar, and perhaps even see yourself in. Not long ago, we were with a client, sitting in on a senior team meeting. Among them was an accomplished woman, brilliant, respected, and confident when working with her team day to day. She knows her work, her people, and her company inside and out, and yet, when she walked into that boardroom full of men, we saw a shift.
Before she even sat down, she told us about what she calls the “imposter monster.” In those moments, self-doubt crept in. She wondered if her perspective would really matter, or if her voice would be truly heard. That strong, clear leader who thrived in one-to-one settings almost disappeared, replaced by someone who found herself nodding along in silence, rather than speaking up. Afterwards, she was frustrated with herself.
This is not an uncommon tale. So many brilliant women experience these moments of shrinking, especially when stepping into new spaces. It’s important that we talk about it, openly and honestly.
The Psychology of Holding Back
This woman explained, “I’m the newest on the team. I’m still figuring out the rules, reading the room, finding my place.” And we nodded, because we know how deeply ingrained this behaviour is in us. As women, from childhood, we learn to observe, understand group dynamics, and ask ourselves, “Am I safe here?” We become skilled at blending in, finding acceptance, and avoiding disruption.
There’s wisdom in this, it helps us build relationships and avoid unnecessary conflict. But please be careful because that same instinct that helps you adapt can also quiet your voice when it most needs to be heard. You have already earned your place at the table; you do not need a special invitation. The more you hold back, the more others will come to expect your silence. Team dynamics settle quickly, and being the quiet one can become your unintentional brand. This is when you must consciously decide to move from observing to seizing an opportunity.
From Silent Observer to Active Contributor
Let me tell you the plain truth: your voice deserves to be heard. In those rooms, your expertise is not just relevant—it’s needed. You are not there to fill a seat with silence or to keep things comfortable for others. You are there to contribute, to guide decision-making, and to help shape outcomes.
You don’t need to transform who you are. Rather, lean into your strengths and consider these gentle strategies to bring your presence forward.
Leverage Your Relationships
Your one-to-one relationships are precious assets. Use them. Before stepping into a meeting, have an honest conversation with a colleague you trust. Let them know you have something valuable to add, and ask them to intentionally create space for you if the moment arises. This isn’t asking for permission, this is giving yourself the support you deserve, and turning an ally into an advocate.
Speak Early and Set the Tone
Take this from us, we have been in countless rooms that were not designed for us: the longer you wait to speak, the heavier your words become in your own mind. Speak up early, even if it is to share a simple observation or an agreement. By doing this, you lay a foundation and remind everyone, including yourself, that you belong. Every time we’ve found the courage to speak first, we’ve set the tone for my own participation. It’s not always comfortable, but growth rarely is.
Practice Your Openers
Sometimes the imposter monster creeps up and leaves us tongue-tied. Prepare yourself with a few phrases, ready at hand, to open the conversation with clarity and confidence:
- “I hear what you are saying, and I want to add…”
- “That’s a great point. Here’s what I’ve seen from my perspective…”
- “From the data I’ve analysed, I know that…”
- “Building on that idea, we could also consider…”
These aren’t just words; they’re sparks that ignite your contributions and make it easier to step in, without feeling like you must bulldoze the conversation.
Redefining Confidence in Leadership
Confidence has nothing to do with volume. You do not have to be the loudest or most dominant in the room. Confidence is about trusting yourself: speaking with clarity, standing by your expertise, and knowing your value. Every room you walk into holds potential for you and for those you lead alongside.
Don’t apologise for your presence. Don’t shrink to make others comfortable. Bring your insights, challenge when needed, and know that offering a different perspective is a gift to any team.
Your seat at the table has been earned, not given. It is both a privilege and a responsibility to fill it with presence, wisdom, and courage. The journey from feeling like an imposter to embodying leadership is ongoing, filled with moments that will test your resolve. But with every step, you claim your space a little more.
So, to you and to every woman who has ever doubted herself in the boardroom: Your time is now. What advice would you give to the next woman entering that room, unsure of whether she belongs?
These phrases allow you to enter the dialogue constructively, without feeling like you are interrupting or being disruptive. You are simply adding to the conversation.
What advice would you give to this brilliant woman, and to all the women who see themselves in her story?