Are we naming a shift based on the male gaze again?
Burnout is "a syndrome that results from chronic workplace stress that's poorly managed." I didn't experience that. I did experience feeling like I wanted to quit this life that I had created and live completely differently.
If I was in burnout I would be in a state of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion. The cause would be linked to work or other high-demand responsibilities (According to the world health organisation). That was not me.
If it was, the solutions would have been prescribed as
- Identifying what is causing the long term stress
- Learning how it affects you physically, emotionally, and mentally
- Get moving, physical activity is known to reduce stress and improve mood.
- Rest, prioritise sleep and learn to switch off.
- Eat well and hydrate.
- Be gentle, kind and compassionate to yourself. No shame or guilt.
- Be more mindful.
I was doing all of that anyway. So if it wasn't burnout, what was going on?
I was going through the great midlife recalibration. I still had capacity, energy, passion, rage, and a lower tolerance for people pleasing and serving everyone else. A midlife review, with hormonal changes, life changes, and a wake up call to stop performing the good girl life and start working our what a ME life looks like.
Problem
Burnout is real. A recent Gallup survey indicated that 33% of women feel almost always burned out, compared to 25% of men. This gap has widened from 3 percentage points in 2019 to 8 percentage points in 2023.
Burnout is real. Burnout level is reduced with increasing age in men, but the association was bimodal in women, with women aged between 20–35 and over 55 years showing the highest burnout level.
So what is going on with women in their 40's and early 50's?
Well when I did the checklist of burnout symptoms, I ticked them all.
Emotional signs of burnout
- feeling withdrawn
- losing your motivation
- self-doubt
- feeling more emotional (tearful, angry, sensitive)
- emotional exhaustion
- feeling trapped or helpless
- feeling overwhelmed
- loss of interest or enjoyment
Physical symptoms of burnout
- feeling exhausted all of the time
- sleep problems
- headaches
- joint or muscle pains
I was in perimenopause. It was horrible, and then it wasn't. I was all over the place, and then I had clarity. I was ready to quit, and then I learned that I was just on the wrong path, and the route card had been made for me by a system that didn't want me, a woman, to follow my own route.
Solution
I named that I was in midlife. I embraced that I was in peri-menopause. I reframed it not as something I was going through, but something I was living, breathing, and embracing. I was recalibrating myself.
I stopped berating myself for not wanting to play into the societal rules, and started directing my energy to things that felt true for me.
Even the language that was given to me to describe my current life felt ridiculed and minimising. I was connecting to my "inner knowing", becoming "grounded". I was reconnecting to my "divine feminine" and inner wisdom and intuition.
How did you feel reading those words? I bet you felt a little "out there" and woo, didn't you? And that is part of the problem.
If it isn't measurable, quantifiable, or male coded, then it must be silly. In fact, my whole life, i rejected those parts of me, trying to fit into a woman that society deemed palatable and acceptable. I maximised my masculine characteristics, and got rewarded in the workplace.
But the solution was to reject that mascinulisation of myself, to make space for my true self.
We must embrace intuition as a strength, relaible, and serious. Our ancestors did, and would often seek the wisdom of women, elders, and High Priestesses.
We want leaders who have feelings, care, and have kindness within them and are unapologetic about showing their humanity.
The rational mind acts after the body knows what is up. The nervous system processes information in ways we don't yet have language for. In this midlife point, women who begin to embrace this inner knowing are recalibrating themselves, refusing to to push through, keep going, to prove, to meet others expectations, and simply start pleasing themselves first.
Seriously, when everything in a woman's body says NO, and the rational mind says YES, she is betraying herself. So, not only is she standing in her true leadership power when she leads from wisdom, but everyone around her benefits.
So rather than telling mid life women that they are in burnout, maybe use your wisdom to feel if anything else is happening within her.
For centuries, we have been told success is about accumulation of external measures. It was measured against men, by men, for men. But women, well we aren't men. We live in a womans body, with a womb, and the hormones that make our bodies create. Our hormones make us care, nurture, collaborate, and create safety. The guide is our intuition, our inner wisdom.
I often explain it with simple anatomy. The male organs point outwards. The women, well everything goes on inside. And that is where our power lies.
The recalibration of midlife is a reconnection with our inner world. It is not silly, overly emotional, irrational, or woo. You are exhausted and disconnected from trying to live in the outward world. Your body is literally turning everything else off, so you can turn on your inner wisdom. It's a remembering what you have always known, and it is coming back. You can't ignore or silence that inner yearning anymore. Your body stops playing the game and says NO MORE WOMAN - REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE.
Your nervous system stops pushing on and pretending.
It is time to re-callibrate - to align your head, heart, and body. It is pure power, integrity, authenticity, and complete magic.
Join the next Wise Women Lead women's development circle and reconnect to the wise woman within you.