Alright, sister, let’s sit down and have a heart-to-heart about the patriarchy. A conversation that will help you understand your place in the world and why you have to actively challenge it. I want to talk to you about how it shaped the world we live in, but it doesn’t have to define the world we’re building. The patriarchy is ancient, but it wasn’t always here. Trust me, there’s a lot of wisdom and courage to uncover here, but knowing this will help you and us all.
The Story of Patriarchy: Where It Began
You know, patriarchy wasn’t always a thing. It’s not some eternal truth about how humans are “meant” to live. Long ago, when people roamed the land as nomads, life was more balanced. Everyone pitched in, and roles weren’t so rigid. But when humans started settling down, farming, owning land, and raising livestock, things shifted. We had property to protect and defend from others who may try to take it from us. Men were often tasked with protecting these resources, and over time, this practical arrangement hardened into a story: men as protectors and providers, women as nurturers and caretakers.
Fast forward a few thousand years, and this story got supercharged by religion and culture. Male gods replaced goddesses, and women’s roles shrank into stories people told. By the time of the witch trials, women who dared to step outside the lines, for owning property, living independently, holding their boundaries, or speaking out, well, they were punished harshly. They were unalived as a warning to all women. Do not gather. Obey. Be subservient. Know your place. It’s wild to think about, but those echoes still linger today.
The early 20th wars gave women a place in society. While men were fighting, women filled those roles once occupied by men. They became farmers, bakers, machinists, code-breakers, mechanics, and more. And when the war was over, a whole narrative about the perfect housewife was created to try and make women return to their subservient lives. Governments, radio, TV, advertising, and a whole load of propaganda shamed women who didn’t play a version of perfect.
Yet the daughters who watched their mothers play an important part in society and community didn’t forget. They saw independence, and brilliance, and strength in their mothers. They wanted that for themselves too. And so wave after wave of feminism lapped against our shores, generation after generation, until we now pass it to you, to take forth.
How It Still Shows Up in Our Lives Today
For every gain our foresisters gifted us, the patriarchy resisted. It’s sneaky. It’s not just in laws or history books; it’s in the little things, too. Like when a girl is called “bossy” for being assertive, but a boy is praised as a “leader.” Or when women feel like they have to shrink themselves, be quieter, less demanding, just to fit in.
I’ve heard stories from women who’ve felt this deeply. One woman said she was scolded as a kid for speaking her mind, while the boys were encouraged to be loud and bold. Another shared how she hesitated to ask for a promotion, doubting her worth. And another, who contributed financially yet still took the emotional and physical labour of raising children and taking care of the home. These are most women’s stories. They’re part of a bigger pattern.
And let’s not forget, patriarchy doesn’t just hurt women. It boxes men in, too, telling them they have to be tough, stoic, and “manly” all the time. Imagine how freeing it would be for everyone to just be themselves, without these outdated rules hanging over their heads.
Stories of Courage: Women Who Said “Enough”
But here’s the good news: people, especially women, have been pushing back against this system for centuries. And their stories are nothing short of inspiring. We need to tell these stories. We need to tell you, so you can pass them on to your children.
Take Malala Yousafzai, for example. She didn’t just fight for her own education; she rallied millions to demand schooling for girls worldwide. Or Hanifa Nakiryowa, who turned her personal tragedy into a movement, helping pass laws to protect women from acid violence in Uganda. These women remind us that change is possible, even when the odds feel stacked against us.
What You Can Do
Now, you might be thinking, “Okay, but what can I do?” And I get it, patriarchy feels like this massive, unmovable thing. But change starts small, with the choices we make every day.
- Look inward: Ask yourself where patriarchal ideas might be holding you back. Are you afraid to speak up? Do you downplay your achievements? Recognising these patterns is the first step to breaking them.
- Reclaim your joy: Dance, sing, write, create, whatever makes you feel alive and unapologetically you. Every act of self-expression chips away at the system. So many of our sisters around the world are denied this right. Do it for you, do it for them, let your children see you doing it.
- Lift others up: Patriarchy loves to pit women against each other. Don’t fall for it. Celebrate other women’s successes, mentor someone, or just be a good listener.
- Teach the next generation: Whether it’s your kids, nieces, or students, show them a world where they can be anything they want—free from stereotypes.
The Bigger Picture
Here’s the thing, rewriting the story of patriarchy isn’t just about tearing something down. It’s about building something better, a world where everyone can thrive, no matter their gender. And while the road ahead might be long, every step we take together brings us closer to that future.
So, what do you say? Ready to take that first step? We will be right here, cheering you on every step of the way.
If you are ready to lead, join our Wise Women Lead Programme.
With love and wisdom,
Your Older, Wiser, Elder.