The choice is yours and yours alone
Every moment presents us with a choice. Do I go for that new leadership role or not? Do I ask for the pay rise I deserve? Do I settle for the way things have always been?
These questions constantly swirl in our minds, shaping our careers, our personal growth, and our daily lives. But here is the profound reality: once you uncover your absolute truth—your core values and who you are at your very essence—going against it feels almost unbearable. You feel the resistance in your body. You feel it in your mind through the constant to-ing and fro-ing until you finally make a decision.
Whether you choose yes, no, or not yet, you must own that decision. You must understand it, embrace it, and accept the ripple effects it creates across your life and organisation.
In this post, we will explore how to uncover your core truth, align your choices to your deepest values, and use Stephen Covey’s Circle of Control to dismiss the noise that holds you back.
The Weight of Our Choices
When we lead, we make hundreds of decisions a day. Some are small, while others shift the entire trajectory of our careers and the lives of those we lead. But women often face a unique set of pressures when making these choices. Societal expectations, outdated conditioning, and systems that still do not fully value women can make every decision feel heavy.
When we try to make choices that appease the system rather than honouring our inner truth, we experience a deep disconnect. It feels forced. It feels draining. This is because we are operating outside of our authentic selves.
When you know who you are, making an unaligned choice creates friction. But when we align our choices and actions with who we are at our core, everything shifts. Decisions no longer feel forced or fake. They feel entirely aligned.
Uncovering Your Core 'I AM' Statement
How do we actually uncover that truth? We start by looking at the impact we naturally have on the people around us.
Ask yourself this question: What is the one thing people consistently say about you? What is the single word that keeps coming up when others describe your presence?
For me, that word is light.
For my brilliant colleague Karen, it is heart.
Once you have your word, you drill a bit deeper. You take that word and write your core I AM statement. This becomes the unwavering foundation of your truth. It is who you are at your very core, acting as a compass for every choice you make.
Here is what that looks like in practice:
- I am kind.
- I choose love because I am a heart-based leader.
- I choose compassion because I am kind-hearted and empathetic.
When you lead from this statement, you bridge the leadership gap with wisdom and authenticity. You step fully into your power. The next time you face a difficult decision, pause and reflect on your I AM statement. Ask yourself: Does this path align with who I am? If the answer is yes, you will feel it in your bones.
Navigating What You Can (and Cannot) Control
Even when we know our truth, the outside world can make executing our choices difficult. We exist in a complex landscape. Sometimes, you make a beautifully aligned choice, and you are met with resistance, systemic barriers, or challenging reactions from others.
This is where Stephen Covey’s Circle of Influence and Control becomes an essential tool for any leader. Covey suggests that we face a myriad of concerns, but we can categorise them into three distinct areas:
- The Circle of Concern: Everything we care about, including things we cannot change (the economy, outdated corporate policies, how other people react to our boundaries).
- The Circle of Influence: Things we can indirectly affect (team morale, shaping conversations, advocating for inclusive practices).
- The Circle of Control: Things we have absolute power over (our own choices, our I AM statement, our boundaries, our reactions).
When we spend our energy worrying about the Circle of Concern, the things outside our control, we give away our power. We feel exhausted, frustrated, and entirely unaligned.
Acknowledging the Out-of-Control
The first step to reclaiming your energy is acknowledging what sits outside your control. We must validate our frustration. It is incredibly annoying that women make up half the workforce, yet so few hold senior leadership roles. It is frustrating when you set a new boundary and people push back because they are used to you always saying yes.
Acknowledge these realities. See them clearly. But do not let them dictate your internal truth.
As we step into our power, something has to change, and we often reach a point where we say, "No more." It is an awakening. But when we suddenly enforce boundaries after lacking them, we might face pushback. People will react. Their reaction sits firmly in the Circle of Concern. You cannot control their surprise, but you can control your steady, aligned response.
Dismissing the Noise
Once you acknowledge what you cannot control, you must consciously dismiss it. Dismissing does not mean you do not care; it means you refuse to let it consume your decision-making energy.
If a colleague reacts poorly to your aligned choice, acknowledge their reaction, and then let it go. Bring your focus right back to your Circle of Control. Focus on your I AM statement. Focus on your deliberate actions. By dismissing the uncontrollable noise, you free up immense energy to explore, create, and rise.
Bringing It All Together: Aligned Leadership
How do we weave all of this together into our daily lives? Here are a few practical steps to keep you anchored in your truth:
1. Define Your Word Today
Reach out to three trusted peers or friends. Ask them for the one word they associate with you. Use their feedback to craft your powerful I AM statement.
2. Map Your Decisions
When faced with your next big choice, draw a literal circle on a piece of paper. Write down everything you control inside the circle. Write everything you cannot control outside of it. Make your choice based entirely on what is inside the circle.
3. Lean on Your Support Network
You do not have to navigate these choices alone. This is where your support network steps into its fullest strength. When you doubt yourself, go talk to your peers, your champions, your mentor, or your coach. Get clarity over your choices. Join a peer group or a women's leadership circle that supports your growth.
When we live and lead from our truth, we do more than just make choices. We make aligned, empowered, and deeply impactful decisions. We amplify the feminine. We reconnect with the true leader within. And together, we change the system from the inside out.
What is your I AM statement? Take a moment today to define it, own it, and let it guide your next brave choice.